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today is full of daydreams
time travelling back to sitting on the floor being fooled in strip cardgames
that turn to spinning bottles
first handful of touches to lay the foundations for my romantic notions
shy girl awkwardness
alleviated by the days of wine coolers and teenage smoking
today is full of distraction
literary moments of painted words swirling round my brain like cartoon stars
that fall spontaneously
begging for wishing like girls beg for kisses with half closed eyes
awaiting the salty taste of lips
stolen breaths exhaling into vaguely remembered embraces coming into focus

For my friend.

some love transcends
I heard her voice travel to the heavens
with despair immeasurable
unable to say goodbye
wrapping sadness round and round her heart
like wringing hands
unable to rest
reminding me that settling for
anything less
than
everything
would never make this trip worthwhile
he lives in the clear watery eyes of the boys left behind
to hold her hand
they sound older, more grown, more like men
today than they did yesterday
with vacant stares in the direction of nowhere
recalling childhood moments
1980s yellowed memories like
photographs
aged, unable to stick to the album
well worn from the years of pride and
stories that keep pouring
like the wine in that special glass
they keep
with his fingerprints on it.

epilogue

i have said good bye
to the way your voice cracked with sighs
to the way my clothes smelled of you when i left your apartment late at night,
knowing you were listening to the clicking of my boots on the pavement as i walked away
i have retired the smile that only belonged to you
no one else can claim it
wrapped up neatly in a box clearly labeled as not to forget
i have stopped listening to the music that enraptured you
thinking that songs about drinking will start taking on a different kind of meaning to me now
i have said good bye
to that rumbling sense of broken dreams
the fear that fulfillment was something only found in little girl schemes
wish i could wrap my arms around you one more time to whisper thanks
but my heart cant handle such brash acts of outward emotion
usually translates to anger or frustration
better to walk away and say good bye
to the two of us
when the pictures of us still make me smile.

starting over

Its all so delicate
the transfer of energy from moment to moment
I feel perched upon a precipice of change
yet unable to see into the distance
there should be more time
time for Polaroid photos
long walks on damp grass
finding the hand that fits perfectly in mine
remembering how it feels to discover a new hobby
fear has bound my wings too long
limiting potential heights
my stomach lurches when I contemplate how quickly it could all be stolen away
upon the haphazard chance of an accident
illness, a moment of forgetting to look both ways
I have dreams of perfect comfort
sitting beside someone
on a couch, holding hands, perfectly wrapped within each other
inhaling and exhaling
a life in unison,
spent in celebration of every molecule that make up the color of our eyes
I could drown within
I have cut all tethers that bind me to this unhappy place
to catch a wind of enlightenment
to carry me over mountains to where the water crashes
to let my feet bury themselves within the sea foam
like I did as a child
I hear whispers on the lips of the universe
begging me to keep my eyes open
to see the truths in what confounds me
to write my fears upon a blank slate
sent upon the waves in bottles
only to find their way to another shore.