ponder

wonder what it is like to come easy
wake up on sunday
with sun peaking through windows
arm haphhazardly slung over another
without any rush to run out the door
newspaper reading
email sending on laptops from outdoor patios
of your own home

wonder what it is like to come easy
a touch upon your cheek
kisses that dont carry with them
the sour taste of expectations
hopes unlocked
voiced freely upon your lovers ear
letters carved into a tree
by smiling eyes

the middle

looking for this handholding time
a moment spent where you can see a forever
erupting out of nowhere you've ever been
handed a gilded invitation
calligraphy and swirls of ink
some sticky sweet sentiment
that leaves you feeling all weak in the knees
looking for this whisper time
afraid to say the words that linger
easier to look away with some shy smile
thoughts kept on folded paper
hidden within pockets
kept close to my heart
looking for something more than the middle

with me

words spill now
the dam built of smiles and reassuring glances
has found itself cracked
lack of repurcussions has removed the gag from my mouth
filled my pen with ink again
pictures in my head again
pictures waiting to travel to paper
stories that have not been written
rhymes that have not been spoken
words spill now
breathing myself back into me
not afraid of being who i am , when i am the only person in the room
setting up a welcome mat
dusting off my well worn boots
having a seat inside my own mind and resting a while

inspired by a drawing i made

she has given out too many hearts
pockets are empty
riding off into the moonlight
inside her red umbrella
perhaps to collect the stars this time
and hang them above her sleeping place
stars dont stain as much
making wishes when they fall
she creates stories in the clouds
remembering things she has heard before
things that helped when she used to be scared
she has given out too many hearts
carrying an empty satchel of hopes
she blows wishes into the sail
to propel forward
like a tiny sea captain
thinking she'll write her own fairy tale
or bedtime story
she has given out too many hearts
mending the broken pieces into one to keep
just for herself

today

am i smiling today?
someone should tell me cause i feel a bit numb
is that a dent showing between my brows
its there when i have been thinking too hard, too often
dont make that face too long or it will stick
am i smiling today?
i cannot tell because my mind is floating somewhere else
not sure where to go
i've been sidelined for so long
that i dont recognize me
am i smiling today?
it doesnt feel like i am either here nor there
cant mind the center anywhere
feel old, feel young,
feel like i forgot how to be in this moment
am i smiling today?

insides

this empty stomach
creature seems to be chomping on my insides
relentlessly
restlessly
legs havent felt normal in days
sometimes they are missing from the knees down
as if a broken heart can stop circulation
the only working pieces seem to be the waterworks
guess they are broken too
cant seem to stop them from leaking
my lungs are an empty cage, rattling

jigsaw puzzle piece girl

jigsaw puzzle piece girl
missing hands to hold him
missing heart to love him
put the edges together
find the empty spaces
pieces scattered through the town

whisper all your secrets
she will never tell her mouth is silent
scared to speak the words
her eyes will hide them all inside

jigsaw puzzle piece girl
missing hands to hold him
missing heart to love him
put the edges together
find the empty spaces
pieces scattered through the town

she paints pretty pictures
from her dripping heart worn on her sleeve
her disposable feelings
and I cannot make her smile

jigsaw puzzle piece girl
pieces scattered through the town
jigsaw puzzle piece girl
pieces scattered through the town