interlude but confused

scraping lines
in the walls of my mind
pros and cons
a list a hundred days long
makes me want to scream
windows up in my car
lost all control
emotional overload
tears falling while driving
commuting is far too much time
left to my own devices
my thoughts are picking up on
interference
radio waves causing static
removing me from my situation
for a moment
but not long enough
starting to wonder
what I would trade for a day
back where you are home

I can remember

you lived inside a tiny birdcage
I could hear the wings beating inside my chest
trying to fly away
I would sing to you and beg you to stay
but appeasing the wanderlust
is only temporary
bandaids to cover a fractured relationship
for one more day to dance with you
for one last nighttime conversation
for one more morning waking up beside you
you felt trapped inside a room
flying towards the glass window
seeking the outside world
watching you fly away
cage empty, with the door swaying
the music has stopped playing indefinitely
but sometimes when I think of you
I still hear you whistling

lost heart

I have sent out a search party
for this heart lost once living within
rib cage protection
last seen in a parking lot
4am
years ago
stolen away through my breath
all evidence washed clean
or perhaps sunken into the black tar asphalt
I have sent out a scavenger hunt
for this heart lost once living amongst
happier times
last seen on a plane travelling somewhere
to the east coast
stolen away through clammy hands
leaving skin cells on the knee of my jeans
everything is raw within me
kept captive
within the back of a messy car
lost somewhere in the trunk
amongst piles of things
lost treasures
books, a forgotten sweatshirt
it could be there
under something
I have sent out an APB
for this heart once living within
the daylight open to the sunshine
now nowhere to be found
arrested somewhere
silenced
checking hospitals, and mortuaries
perhaps it is dead on the side of the road
somewhere along
the central coast of California
or maybe just lost
in an unknown place
boiling under the san fernando valley sun
hitchhiking its way back to me
pick up truck riding
broken down and out and dirty
trying to get home

The Boy Prince with the Keyhole Chest and the Girl with the Skeleton Key Vol. IV

The Boy Prince with the Keyhole chest sat
and sat
and sat
and sat
he pounded upon his chest
hard with his fist
listening to the echoes dance against
steel ribcage walls
wondered if there was even a heart left at all
if it had dried up and crumbled to dust
perhaps it had melted under the sun
perhaps it shattered and melded itself
to the metal inside
never to be seen from or heard from again
He thought of the pieces he’d given away
He wished he could take them back
one by one
sew them together with yarn or some string
sew them together to not come undone
sew them together as he was when he was young
the Boy Prince with the Keyhole Chest
felt the anger start to rumble in his belly
start to bubble
till it boiled
and there sitting on that lawn
he let out a wail that shook the ground below
it bounced off the clouds
and then the ground just below
it shook the flowers on their stems
it shook the grass blades
it shook the air they were breathing
across streets far and wide
all the way to the place Violetta resides

words

words are lost glimpses of something i never thought i would see
something teasing and easing me into the gray area
surviving comfortably between black and white
letting go of self imposed myths
that have been shackling me
now broken by aggressive flattery
sheilding eyes from some type of
blinding happiness washing over me
waiting for a quiet moment for words to envelop like arms
hearing something like a buddhist chant
soft flowing breaths with ins and outs that move me
swaying and slowly back to sleep like a feverish child
within dreamstate eyes and whispered kisses atop eyelids
words are lost glimpses of something i never thought i would see
paving the way to leave a trail up a mountain guiding me
thrown caution to the wayward winds
marching now haphazardly

a conversation with los angeles

i awoke wanting to spill my insides onto the page
share the tiniest of twists within my minds eye with you
i awoke wanting to tattoo my soul onto my fingertips
to reach out and give away the sparkles from my eyes
so you could melt a little bit too
into the ground i am standing upon
i awoke wanting to write a love song to los angeles
to share our special moments with you, all our secrets
I awoke wanting to speed down mulholland's feminine curves
daring you to follow closely as not to lose me in the crowd
so you could see this place through my eyes
spend a moment inside my mind
i awoke with my heart in my hand beating in time with the traffic
breathing the smog in like the cologne of a lover
thanking this city for bringing me to this place.

today

today i awoke with a thought in my head
dangerously close to optimism
i poured a half full glass of water between my lips
and said hello to the people who passed by
today i didnt look at the clock quite so much
nor did find myself sorting and resorting the same papers
again and again
mindlessly
today i awoke with a thought in my head
dangerously close to happiness
dont want to speak too soon
find myself crashing down tomorrow
so for now i will stop,
entertain the notion that sometimes good things occur
and new lives can occur at any time.