starting over

Its all so delicate
the transfer of energy from moment to moment
I feel perched upon a precipice of change
yet unable to see into the distance
there should be more time
time for Polaroid photos
long walks on damp grass
finding the hand that fits perfectly in mine
remembering how it feels to discover a new hobby
fear has bound my wings too long
limiting potential heights
my stomach lurches when I contemplate how quickly it could all be stolen away
upon the haphazard chance of an accident
illness, a moment of forgetting to look both ways
I have dreams of perfect comfort
sitting beside someone
on a couch, holding hands, perfectly wrapped within each other
inhaling and exhaling
a life in unison,
spent in celebration of every molecule that make up the color of our eyes
I could drown within
I have cut all tethers that bind me to this unhappy place
to catch a wind of enlightenment
to carry me over mountains to where the water crashes
to let my feet bury themselves within the sea foam
like I did as a child
I hear whispers on the lips of the universe
begging me to keep my eyes open
to see the truths in what confounds me
to write my fears upon a blank slate
sent upon the waves in bottles
only to find their way to another shore.

slippery

slipped the memory
what a body pressed close can feel like
the moment of stolen breaths between two mouths
just before they jump from the cliff
to fall into the depths of each other
sordidly sweet
tasting lips for the first time
when you cannot get close enough
when the passion devours the need for neatness
when hands evolve to become explorers
to study the topography
of two bodies
twisting up like tangled trees
reaching branches to the heavens
slipped the memory
what anticipation can taste like
sometimes more delicious than satisfaction
longing calls out from the pit of my stomach
to seek out the fingertips
that read through touch
like a master sculptor setting bronze aflame
looking upon his masterpiece and finding perfection
amongst the imperfect
eyes that fall upon the flesh unhidden
eyes that seek out another across crowded rooms
eyes that speak without words
reaching in to take the heart into the palm of a hand
to coax the dead to live again

If you asked

i would give it a shot
if you asked me to crawl inside your heart
look around to see if it suited me
i would store away the excess baggage, labelling each box nice and neatly
"Do not Open; Keep sealed forever"
i would coerce your inner child to share what he is scared of
read stories and draw pictures see what makes him smile inside
see what makes you feel safe again
i would play all your favorite games
I would turn on your night light
i would wrap my arms around your inner demons
remind them they are beautiful regardless
feed the monsters beneath your bed so they were satisfied
i would make my place beside your nightmares
i would face the worst you had to offer and still stay until morning
i would tuck you in and weave dreams of calmness to surround your sleep
i would sew together the pieces of your broken heart with my own heartstrings
patch you up with pieces from the fabric of me
sing you lovesongs from outside your window
if you asked me to crawl inside your heart
I would give it a shot

love note

my insides feel exposed
like electric lines that buzz and hum
dangling suspended from crosses in the sky
waiting for the shock that comes with a touch
thinking you can see through thin skin
thinking it used to be much thicker then
thinking you must see that heart
crudely tattooed on my sleeve
a memory of teenage feelings
when fingers interlace between our two hands
intricate tangles of words i am always too afraid to say
thinking you may ink my shades of gray into
black and white guidelines i dont want to adhere to
thinking you may have something to say
thinking all this negative space is defeaning
when i want to dissolve into your arms
when i want to reach up and kiss your lips
reinact a faded photograph discarded
in the back of a box of memories
sneaking back to remind me
your shoulders were built for me to cry on
our faces fit perfectly together like halves of wholes
thinking we are two puzzles combined
thinking my romantic notions are dangerous
thinking i'll keep quiet still
where its safe

some girls

some girls are afraid of spiders
slippery grossness or the dark sides of things that hide within corners
some girls are bothered by noises at midnight
invisible claws tapping at windows drawn by imaginations running amuck
some girls sleep with baseball bats by their front door
because they've seen a man's eyes turn to crazy like a light switch

some girls look for pink things
for fur lined memories and giggles whispered into ears
some girls know what it feels like to be protected
safe and warm within strong arms, heavy heartbeats reverberating
some girls wait for doors to be opened for them graciously
because they know what its like to be treated like a princess

some girls grew up tougher
feeling more comfortable in oversized flannels and boots
some girls have difficulty loving out loud
even when their hearts will burst out of their chests with feelings
some girls' vulnerability transforms to defensives and then to silence
afraid to know for certain that the boy doesnt love her back

i dont..unless...

i dont want ordinary,
unless the ordinary is a perfect afternoon laying in bed, drinking each others words in with our coffee - stirred with just the right amount of sweet and creamy...
i dont want nice,
unless nice is the way i am kissed at the point where shoulder meets neck,
tasting the poetry of a gentle touch that just keeps rolling like shivers down my spine...
i dont want calm,
unless the calm can be found in the pools of my eyes, who's waters are laying undisturbed from the turbulance and stormy clouds that have plagued previous journeys into them...
i dont want good,
unless its the good thats filled with mornings and nights and all the hours in between, spoken first and last into each others entwined limbs, lips and hearts..

watching the colors wash out

something is speaking to me

from the faces to the fences of the kids with lost dreams
written on the walls of concrete
rolling down the street to mingle with gutter water rainbows
illuminated like lit petroleum

there is a hollowness that lingers

born and bred within a society obese with the excesses
undernourished with soul
there are no more moments of enlightenment for the complacent
the spark fades to some sad shade of gray

something is speaking to me

it scratches at my voice and urges me to scream honesty
the disappointed are multiplying
there are no heroes living here atop mountains watching over us
left to primitive devices

there is a hollowness that lingers

this dissipation of collective energy is sucking the color out
leaving landscapes caked with indifference
obsolete flashbulbs once bursting like pops of adrenaline
now just awaiting imagination to burn out