busted proximity and the after effects

My heart sunk
yet opened
screaming
obscenities
silently
simultaneously
I stood and watched
your proximity
shift
the world spinning
around me
your face the center
from where
centripetal energy
stems from
anger like that
not in years
face red
had to get away
from the walls
of my vivid imagination
closing in
all around me
your proximity
and breathing
undeniable
that the negative space
between you was
less than average
in such an average
place such
as that
far too close
standing to a
smiling face
making my guts lurch
your proximity
to that girl
whose
face isnt
mine

hemispheres

Sometimes
scoundrels
arrive
like heroes
disguised
as pirates
courage racing
through hearts
beating
weathered skin
squinted eyes
reflections
of open seas
flashes of lighting
thunderstorms
beneath the
surface of smiles
electric touches
from strong
hands that
never break
hands made
to fix things
like broken hearts
and broken limbs
sharing secrets
with breaths
left hanging
in the negative space
of the centimeters
between
two pairs of lips
weaving stories
past and present
intermingling
like fingertips
that whisper
into floating
bottles barely
breaking
surfaces
carrying messages
from
frozen moments
to unwritten
futures
night time
silence
like graveyards
beneath
a moon
and stars
identical
from here to
there
where tides
kiss the shores
where pirate girls
ride sea horses
to heroes
pensive
and awaiting
to unlock
an internal savage
within
themselves
speaking love notes
always in Latin
the romance
language of
science
and lost
civilizations
a map to the
end of all things
where love
remains
victorious

not away or towards

there are mysteries you cannot solve
knots so entangled you cannot begin to unravel the intricacies
like memories of limbs
like words whispered into the mouths of lovers
licked like the sweetest of liquid lollipops
what the heart desires goes unexplained
when someone’s eyes take root inside you
leaving seeds to grow and develop
climbing your skin like clinging vines
reinforcing you with green chainmail
binding your limbs
and cutting the circulation to your legs
leaving you paralyzed and numb
unable to run - not away or towards
when you feel you have lived so many lifetimes
trying to get back to him
only left to see him holding the hand of that girl
or the one before that
feels like your heart being torn out from the roots, discarded
a compost pile of all the messy feelings
staining an innately romantic nature
there are questions that should not be asked
words to remain silent by a finger over lips pressed harder than a gentle touch
hushed into the background of the room
left to mingle awkwardly with the white noise
overhearing phrases when joined together
make believe stories you keep telling yourself are true
something sort of like true love
muttering incoherent
mumbling seems so much safer
shouting brings with it reverberation and echoes
when all you want is a soft lullaby
his hand on the lower of your back
steering you not away or towards
but here and now with kissed promises indefinite

rainbow sprinkle fireworks

it was a thin line of white
that was - the moon reflected
against familiar smiles
against the whites surrounding
coffee colored eyes
sore throats from
talking too much and too quickly
sharing the messages of
soulmate cliches
as i fall into that
well worn spot on the couch
seems to fit me so well
candy hearts drip from fingertips
delivering the same messages
again to a mailbox
with another name upon it
smearing pastel colors
into abstract art
evaporating
before anyone notices I was even there
leaving me with that dreamlike state
left on repeat
like a favorite movie
looping music box theme songs
leopard print flashbacks
with glittered eye lids fluttering
seeing every angle of your face
even as i look away
to freeze time as i once used to
lips that speak words
that never leave me
that dig into my essence and explode
within me like
rainbow sprinkle fireworks
because you always remind me
what delicious means

My own devices

This night is restless
The television is not able to remove me
From the uneasiness of my mind
With only a small handful of stars
To keep me company
I draw pictures in the negative space of things
Awaiting patiently yet again for the shift.
The pathways are converging
Always bringing with them change and decisions to be made
My back is aching from inadequate sleep
Knowing better than to fall in and out of dreams
In places where a deep sleep can never be found
This night is restless
It brings with it depth of thought that should never occur on a Sunday
Silent rooms amplified by the white noise of a fan
Buzzing worries around my brain
A centrifuge of my hopes and dreams confused
Into emotional indigestion.
I would crawl into my bed and pull the blanket of my childhood
Over my head but I cannot be left to my own devices tonight

imagined scenery

there is something elusive about that comfortable sunday morning
drinking coffee in quiet contemplation and shared laziness
fresh picked flowers to match growing smiles
sunshine falling through the windows
to illuminate the dance party of a million tiny particles of dust
arms wrapped around waists, as dishes are rinsed
a kiss on the back of her neck
to remind her she is still that same girl in his now creased eyes
i can remember what it was like to watch that play out,
drawing quietly on the floor by the sliding glass door where the light was best
but perhaps thats just a scene i created in dreams
either way, the memory smells of newspaper and fresh mowed grass
breaking my heart
and kissing it better all at once
like an emotional band aid, keeping frayed edges in place.

9/21/11

there are whispers on the lips of the universe
saying... sit still
embracing patience and calm
they are the arms that wrap around me
when the vastness of the ocean brings spiritual comfort
the worst of me does not quiet them
does not frighten them away with too many thoughts, emotions, words...
always with too many words
there are songs being sung just under audible tones
vibrations traveling along pathways to ears opening
straining to listen
to make out the meaning of intersecting roads
to make out what is elusive in the passing of time
there are hopes that go unspoken
they linger in the doorways of penetrating glances
the longing within the touch of a hand
that quickly pulls away
reminding me of the cyclical nature of things
as i await the pendulum to swing me back to start