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today is full of daydreams
time travelling back to sitting on the floor being fooled in strip cardgames
that turn to spinning bottles
first handful of touches to lay the foundations for my romantic notions
shy girl awkwardness
alleviated by the days of wine coolers and teenage smoking
today is full of distraction
literary moments of painted words swirling round my brain like cartoon stars
that fall spontaneously
begging for wishing like girls beg for kisses with half closed eyes
awaiting the salty taste of lips
stolen breaths exhaling into vaguely remembered embraces coming into focus

For my friend.

some love transcends
I heard her voice travel to the heavens
with despair immeasurable
unable to say goodbye
wrapping sadness round and round her heart
like wringing hands
unable to rest
reminding me that settling for
anything less
than
everything
would never make this trip worthwhile
he lives in the clear watery eyes of the boys left behind
to hold her hand
they sound older, more grown, more like men
today than they did yesterday
with vacant stares in the direction of nowhere
recalling childhood moments
1980s yellowed memories like
photographs
aged, unable to stick to the album
well worn from the years of pride and
stories that keep pouring
like the wine in that special glass
they keep
with his fingerprints on it.

epilogue

i have said good bye
to the way your voice cracked with sighs
to the way my clothes smelled of you when i left your apartment late at night,
knowing you were listening to the clicking of my boots on the pavement as i walked away
i have retired the smile that only belonged to you
no one else can claim it
wrapped up neatly in a box clearly labeled as not to forget
i have stopped listening to the music that enraptured you
thinking that songs about drinking will start taking on a different kind of meaning to me now
i have said good bye
to that rumbling sense of broken dreams
the fear that fulfillment was something only found in little girl schemes
wish i could wrap my arms around you one more time to whisper thanks
but my heart cant handle such brash acts of outward emotion
usually translates to anger or frustration
better to walk away and say good bye
to the two of us
when the pictures of us still make me smile.

starting over

Its all so delicate
the transfer of energy from moment to moment
I feel perched upon a precipice of change
yet unable to see into the distance
there should be more time
time for Polaroid photos
long walks on damp grass
finding the hand that fits perfectly in mine
remembering how it feels to discover a new hobby
fear has bound my wings too long
limiting potential heights
my stomach lurches when I contemplate how quickly it could all be stolen away
upon the haphazard chance of an accident
illness, a moment of forgetting to look both ways
I have dreams of perfect comfort
sitting beside someone
on a couch, holding hands, perfectly wrapped within each other
inhaling and exhaling
a life in unison,
spent in celebration of every molecule that make up the color of our eyes
I could drown within
I have cut all tethers that bind me to this unhappy place
to catch a wind of enlightenment
to carry me over mountains to where the water crashes
to let my feet bury themselves within the sea foam
like I did as a child
I hear whispers on the lips of the universe
begging me to keep my eyes open
to see the truths in what confounds me
to write my fears upon a blank slate
sent upon the waves in bottles
only to find their way to another shore.

slippery

slipped the memory
what a body pressed close can feel like
the moment of stolen breaths between two mouths
just before they jump from the cliff
to fall into the depths of each other
sordidly sweet
tasting lips for the first time
when you cannot get close enough
when the passion devours the need for neatness
when hands evolve to become explorers
to study the topography
of two bodies
twisting up like tangled trees
reaching branches to the heavens
slipped the memory
what anticipation can taste like
sometimes more delicious than satisfaction
longing calls out from the pit of my stomach
to seek out the fingertips
that read through touch
like a master sculptor setting bronze aflame
looking upon his masterpiece and finding perfection
amongst the imperfect
eyes that fall upon the flesh unhidden
eyes that seek out another across crowded rooms
eyes that speak without words
reaching in to take the heart into the palm of a hand
to coax the dead to live again

If you asked

i would give it a shot
if you asked me to crawl inside your heart
look around to see if it suited me
i would store away the excess baggage, labelling each box nice and neatly
"Do not Open; Keep sealed forever"
i would coerce your inner child to share what he is scared of
read stories and draw pictures see what makes him smile inside
see what makes you feel safe again
i would play all your favorite games
I would turn on your night light
i would wrap my arms around your inner demons
remind them they are beautiful regardless
feed the monsters beneath your bed so they were satisfied
i would make my place beside your nightmares
i would face the worst you had to offer and still stay until morning
i would tuck you in and weave dreams of calmness to surround your sleep
i would sew together the pieces of your broken heart with my own heartstrings
patch you up with pieces from the fabric of me
sing you lovesongs from outside your window
if you asked me to crawl inside your heart
I would give it a shot

love note

my insides feel exposed
like electric lines that buzz and hum
dangling suspended from crosses in the sky
waiting for the shock that comes with a touch
thinking you can see through thin skin
thinking it used to be much thicker then
thinking you must see that heart
crudely tattooed on my sleeve
a memory of teenage feelings
when fingers interlace between our two hands
intricate tangles of words i am always too afraid to say
thinking you may ink my shades of gray into
black and white guidelines i dont want to adhere to
thinking you may have something to say
thinking all this negative space is defeaning
when i want to dissolve into your arms
when i want to reach up and kiss your lips
reinact a faded photograph discarded
in the back of a box of memories
sneaking back to remind me
your shoulders were built for me to cry on
our faces fit perfectly together like halves of wholes
thinking we are two puzzles combined
thinking my romantic notions are dangerous
thinking i'll keep quiet still
where its safe