i am beginning to feel ordinary
the excitement is waning with age
sweating palms just to be alone with a boy
silent and thrilled at the touch of a hand
like a whirlwind you find yourself in awkward positions
there is always a first time
when curiosity wins out over what is expected of you
i wonder what happens when you are 30
what can bring that feeling to the pit of your stomach
that hot flash of something new
back then it was making out in the back seat
steaming up windows
smoking a cigarette
driving fast down ventura blvd
when we were still invincible and noone we loved had ever left us
before i had the capacity for love that i do now
and feelings were so minimal
i am beginning to feel ordinary
sometimes a haircut or tattoo is not enough to reclaim
the fire inside your ribcage that keeps you moving
quickly down the highway blowing stop signs
now slowing and looking around,
acknowledging the things lost, and left behind
trailing behind you like a tin can string
from a dented fender
moving fast enough to make sparks
i am beginning to feel ordinary
like the things i've done were really quite charming
i am wanting new doors to be opening
so i dont have to see the eyes of the cool girls roll anymore
when i tell my stories
now dusty and dated
there is more now to me than the people i've hated
and that angst and boredom
has dissipated
i'm beginning to feel ordinary
2 comments:
this made me think two things:
i wonder if emo kids go through this when they grow up.
and:
the adult version, for me, was when my ovaries decided to stage a rave in my abdominal cavity without asking permission to use the space first.
You are far from ordinary, my dear sister. The part of you that I admire so much is indeed the fact that you are so unique and a true blessing in my life and so many others. You are admired and LOVED by all!!!!
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