Friday, December 21, 2012


I have dissolved
into a puddle
at your feet
at your touch
which has taken
 through decades
to arrive at its
to root itself
through and around
and inside of me
wrapping round
my heart
and holding fast
to match pulse
to beats beating
quicker than usual.
these days
feeling like it might
come straight out
of my chest
to get closer to you
to live in your
coat pocket
where you don’t have
to take off
your own scarf
 to keep me warm
where you can
protect me
as you would like
from negligence
or harm
from harsh words
and indifference
I have grown used to
casual disappointment
now allowing for
this adaptation towards
something  bordering
on the sentimental
and romantic
reformatting the circuits
within my mind
to say thank you
when a compliment
causes eye avoidance
perhaps eventually I
will believe
each lovely word
as you do
until then,
I will send letters
to myself
postmarking each
important day
so I never forget
how I feel at this
perfect moment

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


wandered aimlessly
through cold asphalt streets
echoes resounding
with each step from my feet
stars as my hat
oil slick rainbows below
inhaling the smog forming
pictures in the sky
like puffy clouds
would in other towns less
wrought with cars and chaos
always collecting keys from
temporary domiciles
this transitional lifestyle
is the science of
vacant brain sleeping
while passed out on a couch
still wearing my shoes
from the previous evening
listening to the same television show
through yesterdays eye liner
on repeat in my dreams
turning to nightmares as well
alarm clock repetition
"the plot never changes"
can describe so many things
wonder what going home means
to me now
in a city I've always known
abandoned me somehow
my heart broke in this place
called it a loss
family is scattered
haven't felt safe in what seems like
two lifetimes
of liquor soaked timelines
blown away cigarette ashes
i'm finding some solace in places surprising
truths are now different
and I have given up analyzing
what my gut says is true
i'm always the glue
but sometimes its nice to get
tucked into bed too

Thursday, November 15, 2012

teetering backwards

I walked barefoot once
upon a checkerboard floor
but splintered my foot upon
a twisting creaking staircase
that did not lead anywhere
only to run quickly,
backwards, away
I saw reflections of a memory
leaving fingerprints invisibly
leftover stickiness from
gluing back these pieces of me
I like clinging to you
in that space where shoulder
and heartbeat meet
to brush cheeks
I walked barefoot once
through forest floors
feet wet with moss and mud
ignoring scratches on bare arms
trying to read smeared black ink
as I draw a thousand tiny hearts
upon my skin to your lips
words sung to ears with whispers
cannot find a substitute
lyrical pathways of where I lay
the dirt feels better than cold sheets
most nights anyway
I like the secrecy the night brings
standing right at the edge
when you can finally see stars

Monday, November 5, 2012

Coming to my senses

It is something familiar
like sitting in the front yard of the house I grew up in
or the way my mom would wake me up with an orange juice in the morning
(never have been a morning person)
that comfortable silence that I used to look for
within all the arms that never quite held me correctly
is now wrapped around me
like a quiet symphony
singing softly like a whisper in my ear from a memory

It is something familiar

like a smell I can’t place but inhaling brings me back 
travel in a time machine to a specific place and moment that changed it all 
(probably another time I ran away)
that moment when a hand pulled my hair aside
when a touch to my shoulder brought earthquakes 

feelings I was not prepared for 
that gutted my stomach retreating to my own insecurities 
like a broken record

It is something familiar 

like a dream I had, but faded into subconscious memories 
a faceless figure holding me and reminding me that there are those who can love 
(a voice that can soothe the beast in me) 
a soft spoken phrase cuts like an arrow to the heart
pierces and infects me with a sweet dizzy spell from a fuzzy thinking head 

a man that gives me the spins by just glancing my way 
and for a second he can see me, 
without the walls that surround

Monday, October 29, 2012

ragdoll revisited

the heart was bandaged
badly bruised
but the pieces almost fit together
with the clever use of duct tape
twine tied up the edges
and seams have been reinforced
with patches made
from mismatched fabrics
but still it beats steadily

the eyes that always look away
seemingly bored is so much safer
than being entranced
electrical shocks of direct contact
from corneal fixations
enthralled and exuding the
emotions that come
with the sweeping down of eye lashes
but still they see simple beauty

the lips that smile despite herself
hold back the words of
a thousand poets' ink stained hands
allowing the depths of all the unanswered
letters of lovers to drown her within
an ocean of her own making
convinced she'll never learn
to swim well enough to get to shore
but still can whisper kisses to another's lips

Thursday, October 25, 2012

the frowns - an idea for a children's book

i keep the frowns in a drawer
beside my bed while i sleep

(where i repeatedly tell them stories usually involving princesses
and the occasional magic spell)

but the frowns shake and tumble
crash into each other

knock over the table
open the drawer to spill all over the floor
piled upon each other
stack higher

and higher

and even higher

until they begin to fall from the windows
fill the space under the bed

(which seems dangerous to me, since thats where all
those pesky monsters live)

they bounce from wall to wall
sit upon desks
tumble out the doorway to takeover
even the hallway

the frowns just keep multiplying
and getting more
and more
and more

until i am surrounded by this sadness
clinging to the walls and making them get closer
and closer
the frowns wont listen to me
"go away i say"
again and again but their eye brows get madder

but just when the frowns think
they have won over
blasts of light blow them up
Like fireworks at night

(you see they are much more contagious
and far more courageous)
the smiles will win, in the end
as they do

Thursday, October 4, 2012


i can hardly
remember her
that scared scarred girl
walking on eggshells
as not to awaken the
beast inside him
barely make out
her silhouette in the room
as if i had erased those years
from a memory card
torn out pages from journals
torn photos that remind me
there was a time
when i was living
within her body
and then recalculating
the plausible exit strategies
causing the least amount
of collateral damage
i can barely recall
the tone that would change
like a light switch
turning on
turning off
turning his face to that
distinct shade of
angry red
turning wrists purple
and leaving hand prints
where hands squeezed so
afraid i'd squeeze my way
through a rabbit hole and escape
i can hardly make out
the faded memories until
they sneak out in a story
seep to the surface
slowly make their way to
a life they cannot survive in
hand chosen and
created by
beautiful things that
illuminate dark thoughts
like night lights that
never burn out
to keep away the
monsters lurking
in closets
locked away
within the

Monday, October 1, 2012


A stolen moment
Of time spent without seconds
Frozen stories
Spent spinning within my mind
Of a brief interaction
Free of repurcussions
Reading and rereading
Words written from then
From now
And then again never said
Never spoken
A muted mouth where syllables
Hang like secrets
In the air we are breathing
As if I would ever dare
To bring thoughts to reality
Where physical interaction
Is simply a story in some book
Written and set upon a shelf
To bring theory to temptation
Describe a science of
Unexplained chemistry
To dreams where touch can ignite
And a memory can illustrate
What never existed

Sunday, September 16, 2012


Maybe then
A thousand years ago
Or more
When we looked out
From different faces
Hands were allowed to touch
Fingers entwined easily
Once upon a different time
Your words were whispers
Just for me
Arms wrapped round tightly
Where I ought to be
And then perhaps
That longing place
Deep down inside
Was just a bit less empty
As it is within this in between life
Tragic truth
As destinies shift
To different places
I must have missed
Your telling eyes
And walked right by my hearts desire

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


suggested memories
something somewhere
within outdated
disc drives
pixilated photos
clear eyed
baby faces free
age telling lines
with a cracked
voice to say hello
reminding her
she is
special too
for one moment
when innocence
still ran through
excited minds
palms remembered
what it felt like to
be nervous when
a girl smiled at you
within your minds eye
safe from
the disappointment of
any version of
shared realities

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

parking lots

something about
the public nature
of lips pressed
standing against
my car in an
parking lot
ignoring those
coming &
that gets me
every damn time

Monday, August 13, 2012

lipstick signatures

allowing myself
to drift back to
a different time of me
a different side of me
the girl with black hair and
a bright heart
part of me
the un-cynical
laughter filling the whole damn room
snapshot of a feeling
wrapped up in the art of me
allowing this dead weight
to drop like fallen leaves
as an offering
to the fates
to re-claim my soul
swallowed whole
just to be spit out at my feet
sewn together
from broken fragments
creating new stories
written upon napkins
with lipstick signatures

Friday, July 20, 2012

band aids

The sighs behind your eyes
make me want to capitalize
the punctuation of my smile
blow kisses with reminders
that some girls know when
it’s time to give not receive
find that space within your
arm, then slip away silently.
the hand that travels down
could never touch too much
preoccupy my thoughts with
evenings seductively spent
entwined and engrossed
inside mouths, arms, & thighs
interpreting the souds that
bounce off the wood of the
floor, from windows to doors
when lips start twisting round
stories whispered to ears
hiding in make-believe forts
I want to sip chocolate milk
from your lips and tell your
inner child ghost stories so
you squeeze my hand tighter
Your skin smells like heat and
sweat with nicotine traces
our silence comfortably fills up
expanding negative spaces
positively writing words across
eye lids closed yet seeing
cynics starting with believing
hearts can open up revealing
both tiny and big cuts need
someone to kiss them better

Monday, June 18, 2012


dont mean to
scare you
lingering stares
starry eyed moments
willingness to share
been told
my sort of kisses
too much
too soon
too fast
and far
too much to handle
to spark hot
to last
telling me
you underestimate
the fire
smoldering behind
this mind
arms are empty
but they're longing
for you to climb inside
there is a
thunder roll
that's coming and
its striking
without warning
too much
too soon
too fast
and far
too much to handle
unless you rise to
this occassion
and run with me
to battle

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

intuitive carnalities

this emotional discord
makes fire start to bounce of skin
responding to
music surrounding
makes thunder rumble
from within
my caged heart
like a wild animal
to escape
to chase
intuitive carnalities
to rip truth from pretense
with teeth devouring pureness in its
most raw form
to kill false promises
given by underdeveloped souls
always left proving
the existance
nothing more
than negative space
between us

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

no words

when that momentary inkling of perhaps
starts to show its sparkly magpie charm
i should remember the feelings
weighing heavily upon my shoulders
a reminder of  what really cuts me
and how much it hurts when salt is inadvertantly
poured on these open wounds

time and a place

a time
and a place
for things like
dark rooms
talking close
inside breaths
subjective realities
a dream state
awoken sleep
speaking silences
lapsed judgement
relapsed friendships
with familiar
familial conversation
hands that
touch fingertips
murmuring deep voices
and words
of my favorite
a time
and a place
for things like
when loneliness
and longing
paves the way
to a brief vulnerability
unable to reach a surface
so far from the depths
of a wall
rarely breached
only to be
locked back up
with a lost
skeleton key